


I Won't Say (I'm in Love)

by mifuyuyu



Series: FE3H OC x Canon Weekend Nikgrid [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27449149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mifuyuyu/pseuds/mifuyuyu
Summary: The second piece for the FE3H OC x Canon weekend being run on Twitter. Ingrid struggles to come to terms with her feelings for Nikolas through a series of events that makes her wonder what he really means to her.
Relationships: Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Original Male Character(s)
Series: FE3H OC x Canon Weekend Nikgrid [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004502
Kudos: 1





	I Won't Say (I'm in Love)

Another morning, another day at war.

It was the unfortunate reality that Nikolas lived in, but there wasn’t a day that he didn’t try his hardest on the battlefield. After his conversation with Ingrid, the guilt that he had hidden underneath his humorous persona for the last few weeks subsided, and he was able to think clearly for the first time in what felt like forever. It didn’t change the fact that they were going to be going onto the battlefield, but it did change the way that he saw the rest of his comrades. 

_I did say that she wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore, so… no charging forward._ The redhead adjusted the strap attaching his shoulder armor in place, looking at himself in the reflection of the glass window. It was always a pain to get it placed in a comfortable position, but he had no right to complain; after all, he was the one who decided to wear it in the first place. After adjusting the strap to his liking, Nikolas rolled his shoulder to make sure he could maneuver his arm around properly and went as far as to pretend there was a lance in his hand. He was too preoccupied to notice the knock on his door, but stopped his pretend thrusts once a voice spoke up from outside.

“We’re getting ready to head out, Nikolas.” Surprisingly, it was Sylvain. Although the two of them never got along during their days at the academy, the two of them started to get along after coming to a mutual understanding. That wasn’t to say that the pair were good friends, but they certainly stopped causing headaches for one another. 

Not to mention that Sylvain knew of the other’s feelings for a certain blonde… but he knew not to bring that up. 

“Alright. I’ll be there after I grab my lance. Go ahead and go without me.” That was all it took for Sylvain to walk away from the door, leaving Nikolas to himself. Not only did he need to grab his lance from the training grounds (since he had forgotten it the night prior), but he also needed to visit the stables and get his horse. _Right, so I might be late…_

Shaking the thought from his mind, he turned the doorknob and went outside, closing the door behind him. There was a faint breeze that moved his hair in front of his eyes as he walked down the stairs and towards the training grounds, but he didn’t feel like lifting his hand up to move it back. Quite a few others passed him on the way there, but he didn’t greet them. The detour wasn’t long, as his lance was propped against the wall where he’d last left it. Retrieving his weapon of choice was the easy part, and now the only thing he had left to do was go to the stables… which was quite a walk away from where he was.

Nikolas made sure not to point the sharp end of his lance towards anyone as he picked up his pace, eyes darting back and forth to make sure he wouldn’t run into a passerby by accident. This went on for a few minutes until he arrived, only to be met with a familiar face getting her pegasus ready for combat.

“Ingrid.” Nikolas nodded his head and walked right by the knightly woman, who turned her head to look at the redhead. 

“Hello, Nikolas.” The blonde ran her palm absentmindedly along the pegasus’s neck as she spoke, keeping a sturdy hold on the reins. “You’re running late, aren’t you?”

“A bit, but it won’t take me long to fix up my steed.”

“With the way you’ve been handling yourself, I’m sure you’re right.” 

A small period of silence followed, Nikolas leading his horse out of the stables and tying the stallion to the side of the building so he wouldn’t move as he put the pieces of armor on, fastening the straps when needed. He was sure that by the time he’d be done that Ingrid would’ve ran off, but to his surprise, she had stayed to observe him. 

“You know, you’re surprisingly well-mannered when it comes to… your horse. I suppose I just haven’t noticed until now.” She put her hand down, eyes following Nikolas as he went to untie his horse. 

“I’d never treat an animal with cruelty, especially one almost meant to be like my partner. It would be wrong of me to do that.” Chuckling, his teal orbs trailed the length of his animal companion, patting his side gently. “You can agree with me, right?”

“Of course I agree with you.” Ingrid rolled her eyes. “Look, as much as I would love to chat, we should probably go. Everyone else is probably wondering where we are, and I certainly don’t want them to come to a misunderstanding about us.”

“Right… uh, but before we go, I just need to tell you something.” Jumping up onto his horse with his lance in hand, Nikolas gently led the horse over to Ingrid. Smiling, he looked down at the blonde with the slightest blush creeping onto his face, though his smile was quickly replaced with a firm stare. “Don’t get hurt out there on the battlefield. If you’re going to run off, at least let it be where I can see you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

The grip that Ingrid held on the reins tightened, and her neutral expression vanished completely. _Does he think I’m incapable of holding my own on the battlefield?_ Ingrid shot him a nasty glare from her spot on the ground, and Nikolas flinched. He wasn’t trying to come off as overprotective towards his comrade, but it seems that she got the wrong idea. His response, though, made the blonde’s face soften completely. _I’m just misunderstanding him, I suppose._

“I can handle myself, Nikolas.” She deftly hopped up onto her pegasus and turned her head to the side to look at him. “But as your ally, I also need to make sure you’ll be alright. I can see further than you, so… please don’t go too far from my position.”

“Oh how the tables have turned.” Nikolas chuckled and shook his head. “I should have figured this would happen… though you’re right. But I still don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Why are you being so stubborn? You know that I’m much more likely to spot an enemy on the ground before you, so you should listen to me.” Ingrid huffed and ran her free hand through her short locks of hair. 

“I don’t want anyone to die today, that’s why.”

“Neither do I.”

“I would especially hate to lose you, Ingrid.” Lowering his head in defeat seeing as he wasn’t getting anywhere, he started to trot forward, looking back only once and stopping just before he was out of earshot. “That would hurt me the most.”

Ingrid said nothing for a few seconds. In all honesty, she had not a clue what to say back. It’s not like she would have another humongous hole in her heart if he were to be killed… right? She wanted to just say something small, like ‘oh,’ or ‘well then,’ but she ended up saying much, much more.

“I wouldn’t want to lose you, either. I’ve come to learn you mean a lot to not only the others, but to myself as well. I… can’t bear to lose anyone else.”

“If I’m being honest, I would sacrifice quite a lot for His Highness first and foremost, even my life, but… if I had to choose between the two of you, I can’t say my judgement won’t be clouded.” He turned his head back around, gesturing towards where the others would be waiting. ”I can’t say I would do that for anyone else.”

“Well… In a way, I suppose you could say the same for me as well.” 

“It should never come down to that. I will do everything in my power to make sure that nobody, you especially, falls on my watch. We’ve come this far together, so who says that we can’t **all** win this war alive?” Turning around completely, he smiled. “This is just one battle of many to come… but let’s say we rip them a new one and beat their asses into the ground?”

“Nikolas!” Ingrid put her hand over her face, sighing in defeat. “When you put it that way, I’d rather _not_ beat them into the ground.”

“Okay, then let’s make sure we put a dent in their army, Ingrid.” He holds his hand out. “Together. How about that?”

She takes her hand off her face to look at Nikolas, who was grinning ear to ear. Without a second thought, Ingrid smiled, a small blush on her face as she nodded in affirmation.

“Don’t forget about everyone else...” Letting out her own chuckle, she shook her head. “But yes… together. I like the sound of that. Together...”

* * *

While the conversation felt like it lasted only a moment, the fighting seemed to last forever. 

It looked like there was no end to the Imperial soldiers, Nikolas finding that his cavalry battalion was already down by half. _Dammit._ As he speared yet another enemy soldier in the chest that covered his gauntlet with fresh blood, he looked over in Ingrid’s direction. She was dealing with her own battle, and he was tempted to go help her until the words echoed in his mind.

_“I can handle myself, Nikolas.”_

_Right, she can handle herself, but what if she does get hurt? What will she do then?_ Nikolas wanted to help regardless of how the blonde felt, but his hesitation caused the redhead to miss the soldier coming at him from the side. Thankfully, the clank of metal alerted him enough to turn around and use what little life was left in his spear to injure the Imperial soldier. Unfortunately, those few seconds that his attention was diverted gave enough time for the enemy to spot him. Unprepared for them, one readied their bow and shot him in the abdomen with an arrow. Clutching it in pain, Nikolas’s brows scrunched together to indicate his discomfort. 

He didn’t want to look down.

Pulling the arrow out of his body, he threw it down onto the ground in a fit of anger. The blood previously staining his gauntlets were all over the cloth portion of his armor now, making it hard to know just how much blood he’d actually lost, and how much he **was** losing. 

Another arrow, this time to his chest.

_When will this stop?_ His chest began to hurt, a burning sensation growing in his lungs. Another arrow had just missed his heart narrowly and barely punctured through, but it still hurt. Everyone else was too preoccupied to rush over to his aid, and Nikolas couldn’t yell out for them.

_Was Ingrid lying to me?_ He didn’t pull out the arrow in the dead center of his chest in fear of bleeding out too quickly, but he held onto it. 

One last arrow, grazing his shoulder but not sticking.

Weaponless, there was nothing Nikolas could do in this situation. Retreating wasn’t his style, and he would rather die than run away from the battle ahead of them. He looked back up at Ingrid, who was still preoccupied.

_No, I told her earlier I wouldn’t die today._ Shaking his head, he grabbed hold of the reins with his hands and led his horse as far away from the action as possible. All of the fighting was occuring out in the open, making the spots behind the surrounding buildings the best hiding spot that he could find. Dismounting, Nikolas sat down and leaned against the wall of the building. _I’ll just lay low until the fighting is over_...

Being too preoccupied with the battle, none of the others really noticed that Nikolas had withdrawn from the open until the rest of the enemy soldiers retreated after their commander was slain. By that time, he was close to passing out from blood loss, the only sounds he could make being painful groans. Even standing up was too much for the usually chipper man. 

“Where could Nikolas be?” Mercedes was the first to notice his missing presence, moving her head to look around. “I was sure I saw him earlier…”

“I’m sure he’s on his way! He’s not one to leave us when the going gets tough, even though he likes to charge into battle recklessly…” Annette also tried to look around, but to no avail. “Or maybe he did leave, I don’t see him anywhere.”

Ingrid found her eyes wandering around the perimeter, paying no mind to Mercedes and Annette going back and forth. She’d already hopped off her pegasus, making sure it’d stay in place. There was a knot in her stomach, the words ‘ _you told him you’d keep an eye on him_ ’ echoing through her mind. No… it wasn’t her fault, was it? If she would have looked over at least a few extra times, maybe she wouldn’t be fearing the worst.

Dead bodies were littering the battlefield. Walking through them absentmindedly, Ingrid didn’t see any remotely resembling Nikolas. She released a breath that she didn’t even know she was holding in and put a hand over her chest, closing her eyes briefly. There was nothing making her believe that he was still here, but she still hadn’t checked between the buildings. Approaching them gave her an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, given there was always a chance that there would be even _more_ fallen soldiers beyond them.

Lost in her own thoughts and worries, a mysterious noise startled Ingrid, causing her to jump slightly. She wasn’t normally the jumpy type, but the fear in her heart made her giddy. 

“Nikolas, if that’s you, please…” She walked just a bit faster, approaching the sharp edge of the wall. _My hands are shaking… why? Why am I getting so worked up over this?_ “...say something, anything if you’re there…”

_Nothing._

Ingrid turned the corner sharply, nearly running into the horse face first before stopping herself, coming to a halt right in front of Nikolas. 

This… this was worse than she could have ever feared. At least if he was dead, she didn’t have to see him writhing in pain in front of her. It felt like a knife was being continuously planted in Ingrid’s stomach, every second she had to see Nikolas in this state being another agonizing stab. The arrow was still firmly stuck in the center of his chest, so if it wasn’t for him turning his bloodied face around to look at her, she would have surely thought he was gone.

“Nikolas…” She kneeled down beside him, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell Mercedes that you were hurt? You could have gotten yourself killed out there!”

_Silence_.

“Quit staring at me and say something! Did your words mean _nothing_?” 

Nikolas lifted his hand up to point at the arrow in his chest, then at his mouth, shaking his head. _Charades at a time like this? Is he trying to tell me why he can’t speak?_ Sighing in defeat, a few tears managed their way down the knight’s cheek. 

“You’re not dying on my watch, I told you that earlier.” Ingrid’s hand gently cupped Nikolas’s cheek, looking at him through her teary green eyes. Smiling mostly for own self-assurance, a lump at the back of her throat formed when he couldn’t even manage to return a reassuring smile. Hearing the others approach, she quickly retreated her hand back to her side, though she never left him.

“Ingrid! You found Nikolas?” Sylvain put his hands on his hips, leaning forward to get a better look. “That arrow looks like it hurts. How are you feeling?”

“He can’t speak, Sylvain.” Standing up, Ingrid turned around to look at everyone. “I was lucky enough to have found him here, though I’m not sure how long he’s been suffering like this…”

“Please don’t worry, Ingrid.” Mercedes smiled, approaching Nikolas and getting down on her knees in front of him to assess the damage. “He may need to take a rest in the infirmary when we get back, but I’ll patch him up as much as I can for the journey.”

Nikolas managed a small grin, though he grimaced after not even a second of maintaining it. Mercedes shook her head and silently scolded him before getting to work, Ingrid’s gaze fixed on the redhead. A hand gripping at her shoulder armor caused her to turn around, being met with Sylvain. Glaring at him, he raised his hands up in defense.

“Woah, Ingrid! Don’t you think you need to chill a little? You look like you’re ready to kill with that look you have on your face.” 

“I…” Ingrid sighed, face relaxing. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“Hey, it’s okay to be worried, but are you sure that’s _all_ you’re feeling? You’re not normally one to cry over someone, not since-”

“Don’t bring him up, Sylvain.”

For a few seconds they shared a look of understanding, Sylvain nodding his head. 

“All I’ll say is that Nikolas is still here, and he’s not going anywhere. You’d probably scold him before he even got the chance, am I right?” He chuckled, putting his arms behind his head. “As soon as we get back to the monastery, I’ll make sure to take him to the infirmary to rest.”

“Alright.” Ingrid turned herself back around to see Mercedes stand up, dusting herself off.

“He should be fine now.” Mercedes looked at Ingrid, smiling. “At least, for the most part. Once we get back, can you make sure to take him to the infirmary?”

“But-”

“Of course she will! Won’t you, Ingrid?” Sylvain chuckled and turned around, walking off before the blonde could get a say in the matter. Ingrid crossed her arms over her chest and reluctantly nodded her head.

“Yes, I’ll make sure he gets there safely. If you need to go on ahead, I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Thank you, Ingrid.”

* * *

Tears are just a natural part of life. Shedding them can mean a multitude of things, such as crying in relief over something that happened, or out of pure anger. Many emotions match up naturally for most, but to cry over the fear of losing someone was not something Ingrid expected to do today.

_“Hey, it’s okay to be worried, but are you sure that’s all you’re feeling? You’re not normally one to cry over someone, not since-”_

_Glenn._ The blonde’s expression looked downcast remembering the exchange with Sylvain from earlier. It was true that she hasn’t cried but a handful of times since his death, but what does that have to do with anything? All the jumbled feelings in her mind began to mix together, and she blinked a few times. Romance was definitely not something Ingrid could say she was well-versed in, even if Glenn counted as experience.

Now here she was, trying to understand why there had been a pit in her stomach earlier. _Surely it was out of concern and nothing more; romance has no place on the battlefield, after all. Yet… I feel an uncertainty weighing down on me, consuming my being._

_Why is that?_

“...Ingrid?”

Ingrid snapped to attention when she heard a voice speak up. _Right, I got lost in thought yet again… Why does this keep happening?_ She turned her head to look over at the source.

_Nikolas._ Erasing earlier thoughts from her mind, she managed a small smile. Even though he still looked worse for wear, the redhead’s nonchalant persona never left him, and he gave Ingrid a smile back. _There it is again_. She turned her head back forward, thinking nothing of the feeling in her stomach. 

“I apologize if my silence made you uncomfortable, Nikolas.” Ingrid held onto the reins a bit tighter than she was before. “How are you feeling?”

“A bit better than I was earlier. Those arrows really did a number on me…” Nikolas lifted his hand to point at his chest. “Especially here. I’m sure that there’s going to be a scar there when I check later…”

“I have no doubt that there will be.”

A small pause followed, though Nikolas quickly perked back up.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“What might that be?” Ingrid tilted her head to the side slightly. Shaking his head, he responded with a frown on his face.

“Why- ah, forget it. I’ll ask you when we get there.” 

Ingrid bit her lip. There were a multitude of reasons Nikolas could have stopped himself from asking his question, and not knowing exactly which reason made her uneasy. The pair didn’t speak another word to each other, even when Ingrid went to help Nikolas back off his horse. Pain was written all over his face when he hopped off, but she said nothing to him and started to take the armor off her pegasus. He did nothing remotely productive in that time, watching her the entire time and making her feel even worse unintentionally. 

Even after she took the armor off his horse, he said nothing to her. His eyes studied her inquisitively, and Ingrid wanted to tell him to avert his gaze and leave her alone, but she told Mercedes that she’d take him up to the infirmary. 

There was no way out of that.

Once she put his horse in the stall and closed it, she turned around to look at him. Nikolas tried to smile away the pain he was feeling to fool Ingrid, and it worked for a second; though as soon as he took one step forward, he winced in pain. Shaking her head defeatedly, she walked over and put her arm around his torso to support him and started towards the infirmary.

“There’s no reason to act like you aren’t in pain. We’re going to the infirmary regardless, understand?” 

“You’re only taking me there because Mercedes told you to.” Nikolas frowned, although it looked more like he was glaring straight at Ingrid. “You wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t ask you to.” 

“Don’t you dare try to argue with me right now. I don’t care how _fine_ you feel, this wouldn’t have happened if you would have just listened to me in the first place. I told you to stay where I could at least see you, but you were so far behind me that I couldn’t!” Frowning right back at him, her hand balled up into a fist. “You better not try and leave, either. You’re going to rest in the infirmary whether you like it or not.” 

“What’s gotten into you, huh? You’re usually not like this.” 

“Maybe because I didn’t have anyone to worry about before today. You told me that you changed Nikolas, but clearly that was nothing but a lie.” 

“That’s not true and you know it. The old me would have ran _far_ ahead of you and would have **never** positioned himself intentionally behind you to make sure you weren’t in harm’s way.” 

Arriving at the infirmary, Ingrid pulled herself away from Nikolas and walked over to the window to look outside.

“I told you earlier Nikolas, I don’t need your help.” She cocked her head to look past her shoulder towards him. He sat down on the bed and undid the buckle to his shoulder armor, taking it off and placing it on the floor before looking straight at her, crossing his arms. 

“I needed your help, but you weren’t there for me when I needed you, now were you?” 

“Quit acting selfish!”

“I’m not acting selfish, dammit! You told me that you didn’t want anyone to die today, but what if I would have died, huh? You would have gone back on your word, and whose fault would that be? I did what I said I would be doing, and you didn’t do a damn thing! That’s on **you**!”

Ingrid went silent. What Nikolas said made a lot of sense to her, but the tone he used was completely uncalled for. Walking with an intent to smack some sense into him, she lifted her hand in the air but got no further as she watched tears stream down the redhead’s face with no sign of his anger receding. Gritting his teeth, he fought back the urge to add more fuel to the fire and instead stood up quickly from the bed. Unfortunately for him, it only made the pain he was experiencing worse, and he cried out in anguish.

She didn’t have the nerve to slap him, better yet argue with him even more. _Don’t make this the second time you’ve cried today, Ingrid. Especially in front of him… don’t do it._ Ingrid sat on the other bed and put her head in her hands. There was no easy way to get rid of the guilt she felt now, knowing that she would have been part of the reason he could have died. What was there to say? ‘ _I’m sorry I almost let you die when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone die today?_ ’ That wasn’t the least of her worries.

In that moment, hearing Nikolas cry out in pain right in front of her was far worse than any blame that he could try to put on her.

“Nikolas, please get back in the bed.” Ingrid’s voice cracked, and she was on the verge of tears behind the wall she tried to put up. Wordlessly, he obliged, sitting on the edge of the bed with his body scrunched over. 

“Ingrid… I didn’t mean to yell at you like that.” His voice was barely audible, and he refused to look at the woman across from him. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. _I’m_ the one who should be sorry.” Taking her hands away from her face, she took off her gauntlets and gloves and sat them aside. She flexed her fingers a few times, keeping her gaze downward and refusing to look at Nikolas. “Just then, I… I almost lost someone important to me _again_ , but this time I would have been able to prevent it. I was there **physically** , but I wasn’t there mentally like I should have been. That… that is my fault. I wasn’t lying earlier when I said you mean a lot to me, and that goes for now as well. I don’t know what I would have done if I had never found you in time...”

“I was never going to die, Ingrid.” Turning his head to look at her, he grinned briefly before his lips turned back down. “If I was speared, though… I probably wouldn’t have-”

In the blink of an eye, Nikolas nearly fell back from Ingrid practically tackling him into a hug, arms wrapped around his neck and hands running through his hair. He could hear the small sobs she was letting out, and he wrapped his own arms around her to comfort her. This was nothing compared to earlier; this time, there was nothing that Ingrid could do to stop the tears from flowing. She tried to speak, but nothing except a choked sob would come out. One of his hands threw her cape up so he could rub her back as she wept, and he felt a few tears of his own prick yet again at the corner of his eyes.

“You didn’t have to hold them in…” Nikolas continued to rub Ingrid’s back, though she had stopped sobbing uncontrollably by then. “I would be crying too if I was in your position… it’s okay to cry.”

Ingrid loosened her arms and moved back, looking into Nikolas’s teal orbs with her own teary-eyed green ones. She nodded her head, inhaling a shaky breath and letting her arms fall back down to her sides. Standing up together, he held her hands in his own, never looking away for even a second. They stayed that way for a while until Ingrid spoke up in a hushed tone. 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either.” 

“Then stop being so reckless.”

“You know I can’t do that. It’s just who I am.”

Nikolas let go of her hands, trailing his own gloved hands up to cup Ingrid’s cheek. Tilting his head, he bent down to capture her lips in a tender kiss. Her eyes were wide with surprise at first, but eventually her hands settled on his neck while her thumbs ran down his jawline. Although it only felt like a second to the two of them, it was much, much longer than that. A minute passed by before they separated completely, Nikolas pulling himself away from Ingrid and looking down at her.

“I-”

“I need to go change.” Blushing, she frantically turned around and picked both her gauntlets and gloves off the bed so she could leave as fast as she could, but he took hold of her wrist.

“You’ll come back, right?”

The question wasn’t hard to answer, because even she knew that she was going to come back to see him after she’d had dinner. Ingrid made sure he didn’t see her smile before responding:

“Yes, I’ll come back. I’ll make sure to get you something to eat as well. Just… please get a little bit of rest before then.” 

“I will.”

Nikolas let go and started to take his armor off so he could lay down comfortably on the bed, Ingrid taking that as her cue to leave. Each step she took out of the infirmary was another step that she remained unsure about her feelings for him. As far as she knew, only those who are in love would share a kiss like the one they just had not even five minutes ago. She touched her lips with the tip of her index finger, running over them once. _Even the feeling of a kiss is foreign to me._

There was no way she was in love with him… right? There wasn’t room in her dreams for love, and even if there was, _his_ dreams would get in the way of that, too. Her happiness from earlier vanished, and she let out a sigh.

“I wish I truly knew how I felt for him in that moment. Maybe then, I wouldn’t be at such a loss…”


End file.
